Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
