Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I am midnight drunk by noon
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
