Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
