and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
