We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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