I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
