I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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