problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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