this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I want a musical about memes.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
