i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
