new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
