You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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