she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
