Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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