Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
