oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
