who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Blood and glitter go together right?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
