I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
