K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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