Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
