Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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