the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
