I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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