Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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