dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
