I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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