in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
