he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
