i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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