I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
