We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
