I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
