you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
