i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
