I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
