God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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