I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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