office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
