All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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