You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Operation Purity has been aborted
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Randomize
