Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize