Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
