What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
