Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize