I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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