I'm going to jail i love you
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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