Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
