yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
