Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
