I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
