Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
