I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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