im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
