Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
