Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
