Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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