dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
