You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
