just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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