I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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