I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
