You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
