barbara walters just said penis...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Found your dick twin last night
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
pray to the hookup gods
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
