guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
