im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
