It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
