DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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