Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
