standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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