this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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