smell my finger.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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