I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
