brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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