He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
