Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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