Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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